maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i believe in u and ur pee
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
