Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
