your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
