don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
