somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When did angry sex become our thing?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
