My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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