I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
