OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
