the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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