my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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