It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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