Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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