Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just googled if crying burns calories
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
