Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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