Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
