I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
