margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
