Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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