I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
