WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
