there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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