respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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