the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
