So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
