After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
