As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
a search helicopter?!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
