Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
