it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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