His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
did i just pee glitter
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
