You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
