My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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