just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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