Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
