3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
