I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
