Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
