Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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