I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
