Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
