I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You made out with two different species that night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
