Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I could fuck to npr.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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