We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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