You're so nebulous sometimes
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
