Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
