So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
