how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
