He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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