I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
