We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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