I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Im part way to drunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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