you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
