At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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