It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
