The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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