Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
