I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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