it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
