Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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