Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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