I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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