I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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