I want to make a zoo with you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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