I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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