Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize