Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
