He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
