the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
