things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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