Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
