is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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