I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
